reading time: 13 min
This is going to be a long one.
About 1 1/2 years ago I discovered a lovely, sweet, inspiring feminine Youtuber named Caitlin Ann Huber aka Mrs. Midwest (MMW). Not only is she an inspiringly productive homemaker, who bakes her own bread, sews her own clothes and seems to enjoy the little things in life – she is also relatable, witty, beautiful, eloquent, hard-working, modest, inclusive, and encourages women to unapologetically embrace all things "feminine". Basically, she is a real-life Disney princess.
Or so I thought.
I'll be honest – I used to ADORE Caitlin's content. That was, until I found out that she is (more than likely) a judgemental Christian fundamentalist, white supremacist, self proclaimed anti-feminist, and "red pill trad wife". The term "red pill" as an alt-right expression was new to me, and essentially refers to "waking up" to the "truth" that women and politics are oppressing men and white people. (Yikes!)
If you feel like I'm exaggerating here, let me just list a few examples of significant evidence pointing towards this:
- She follows various accounts on Twitter and Instagram that are white supremacist, white nationalist, misogynist, homophobic, trans-phobic, anti-choice, pro-Trump etc.
- She is repeatedly tagged and featured by white supremacy accounts (and does not protest)
- She follows "European pride" accounts that feature almost exclusively white, blond and blue-eyed women and likes their pictures
- She recommends a video by Stefan Molyneux, a known white supremacist, and writes: "I’m a big fan of this man and his philosophy: it’s brash, offensive, and my favorite type of YouTube content. I love his presentations in particular because they combine culture, history, and philosophy into one amazing learning session."
- She speaks in an interview with open misogynist YogiOabs and agrees that "that cleaning and nesting is more feminine (...) and I do think that it's genetic."
- She admits in said interview to sugar-coat her radical views: "My message can be kind of, like, intense for some people, like, the things I believe, I like to pad it with skin care and how I clean my house."
- About meeting her husbear, I mean husband, she says: "The first thing he asked me was 'Is that your natural hair colour?' And I was like 'Oh my gosh, like, this guy does not care about my, like, feelings.'"
- In a Reddit post about their sex life, she elaborates: "My husband (...) has always put me in my place, refused to put up with my shenanigans, and always put himself into the equation. Needless to say, he's never had to ask for sex once. We're crazy in bed. (...) Don't let her run all over you and control you. She will never find that sexy."
- In another Reddit post she says: "I was completely RP [red pill] and he felt like a winner when he chose me (modest, kind, cooked and cleaned, didn't party, etc.) That's all a guy wants!"
- In terms of weight loss, she has claimed in a Reddit post that "since losing 8lbs, I've noticed a much sweeter attitude from all men I encounter. I seem more delicate to them, and they are protective and polite. Being over 200lbs as a woman seems incredibly unhealthy AND unattractive, visually and mentally. Men look at your appearance to gauge your health, but your appearance also speaks volumes about your character"
- She also recommends "three small things that can make you more feminine immediately: learn how to cook, wear your hair nice ALL the time, and start wearing more colours in your wardrobe. (...) [Cooking] will help you learn how to serve and be gentle, as well as express your creativity. Next, nice hair translates to a woman who can keep herself clean and beautiful. Nothing is more anti-man than a greasy messy bun or flat hair."
If that isn't enough for you, I will go more into why I think that MMW – despite of her sweet, seemingly innocent demeanour – is much more dangerous than outright racist or sexist influencers.
By the way, this blogpost is NOT intended to bash Caitlin or set anyone against her, but merely to do my bit to draw attention to this problem which is the internet influence of Mrs. Midwest, and to perhaps make unsuspecting followers of her aware of her possibly hateful views.
I feel like I need to share my own background story to illustrate how I was caught in Caitlin's "trap" and also be very transparent about the bubble I live in and therefore how I perceive the world, I guess: So I grew up in a rural area in Germany, as the only daughter of a chemistry PhD student and a Buddhist nursing assistant. My dad's mother, who I share a lot of similarities such as interests, insecurities and values with, was a committed women's rights activist in the 1960s, went to university and got divorced while her children were very young, leaving her a single mother and on the edge of poverty. My mum on the other hand came from a middle class family with 9 children, never really cared too much about wedding and raisin children (I was an "accident", or rather, a nice surprise :), and during the course of her life she was mainly a stay-at-home mum who took on a variety of jobs and trainings, such as for terminal care and massage practice. My parents eventually married when I was about 13. I went to a terribly disciplined elementary school where I was not happy, then we moved and I changed to a Steiner school where I could play out my creativity, had a small but pretty solid group of friends, was bullied for my very curly hair, had a rather curvy body that made me self-conscious and drew unwanted attention to it, came in contact with more mild forms of sexual harassment, went to university to study what I wanted (creative writing and literary studies) with the money my parents had put aside for me.
So yeah, I didn't have a particularly rough childhood and youth, at least not compared to many others.
After studying I worked for several employers for a few years, mostly as an editor, kept feeling very unhappy and not in the right place, then decided to take a year off (that was 2021), living on the money I had made and saved for the past few years, the rest of what my parents had given me, and the financial stability that my boyfriend kindly offered to share with me. In exchange, I offered to take care of all the house cleaning, including cleaning our guinea pigs' cage, taking care of our plants etc. Since we don't have a car and I can't carry our weekly groceries on my bike all by myself, we do the grocery shopping together, and we also cook together. Mostly because my boyfriend is a better (and more enthusiastic) cook than me, and because cooking is more fun together, and I personally would feel like a servant if I was the only one to prepare and serve the food. But that's just my way of seeing it.
I was always the one to look after our plants anyway, because I'm a crazy plant lady 😜 and I actually really like being in charge of all the cleaning because I am, let's face it, more tidy and orderly than my boyfriend, and I get annoyed when things aren't cleaned in time. So it works out to our mutual satisfaction!
Perhaps I should also add that my boyfriend is not "conventional" or "traditional" in any way, we also don't know for sure if we ever want to have kids of our own or not, if we want to marry or not, etc. And I disagree with what Caitlin said about becoming a homemaker – that you need to seek out a "compatible man" aka someone who is "traditional, conservative, or religious, or a combination of all three of those things" –, but I think that your partner only needs to be agreement with you to share his or her income with you in order to go after your dreams, or for you to stay at home. Whether you then choose to be solely a housewife or a bestselling author or both should not be his or her concern. After all, it is your decision what you want to do with your life!
And yes, I am very, very aware of how privileged and lucky I am for having the luxury to basically "not work".
Not that housekeeping isn't work – it's actually hard labour! – but people who have a job to bring in money also need to keep up with cleaning and cooking, so it's definitely a luxury to be able to solely focus on the home.
I also feel like I need to include that this was actually quite hard for me, because I felt like I was a failure, and not a strong enough woman, being dependent on somebody else's income, and also just pathetic and finicky for not being able to work a 9 to 5 job like everyone else in my surroundings. I felt – and still feel like that sometimes – like I was taking liberties that I wasn't allowed to take because it was unfair. Because everyone else around me worked 40 hours a week to make money. (Although, in all fairness, I kind of sacrificed the making money part for having more time and freedom instead. But that was my choice, and the choice of my boyfriend, so I am not complaining. I know that having this choice in itself is a privilege.)
Being relatively new to "housekeeping" and "homemaking", I was honestly pretty inspired and motivated when I stumbled across MMW during the summer of 2020 when it was already clear that I would stop working as an editor and instead spend my life at home, taking care of our home, focussing on my writing and other creative projects, and figuring out what I want to do with my life, basically. I even included a video of her in my A Few Recommendations | Mid-Year Favorites post in July 2020, to which I have now added a disclaimer about her channel.
By the way, I didn't stop working professionally completely. I continued working as a creative writing teacher at my local university, and I also took on occasional freelance editing jobs that brought in some money. That's how it's going to be for the rest of 2022 as well. This isn't really relevant to anything (other than that I still make a little bit of money and that I have found that self-employment is the only type of professional career that works for me), but I wanted to include this information for full transparency.
But back to Mrs. Midwest.
I knew she was more conservative than me and I was fine with a couple of aspects of her life that I personally didn't resonate with as long as it wasn't offensive or harmful, and I really liked her motivational homemaking vlogs, her message of simple thrifty living and the way she emphasized the value of cultivating "feminine" qualities, because most of my life I had acted more out of my "masculine" energy in the way that I was extremely disciplined, driven, goal-oriented and a bit of a control-freak – which are necessary qualities that can serve you at times, but I felt like I was very unbalanced and not in touch with my feminine qualities, similar to what Sorelle Amore describes in her video on Rebuilding My Life After Losing My Identity. I you are interested, you can read more on that in my blogpost on 12 ways to cultivate and increase your feminine energy.
(While I do not agree with Caitlin's implication that women nowadays are pressured into taking on a career while their "real destiny" is actually becoming a housewife, I do think that there is still a negative stigma around being a stay-at-home mum or housewife – a stigma of being lazy and not actually working although housekeeping and raising children is an equally valuable profession, at least in my personal experience. And the fact that we live in a patriarchy which is a system built on subordination, exploitation and violence, the fact that there has not been a female president of the United States yet for example, the fact that there is still a gender pay gap – all of that does imply a prevailing oppression of females and feminine qualities, or gender inequality.)
I also saw traditionally "feminine" traits such as emotional vulnerability / sensitivity, gentleness and tenderness as a weakness, and looking back now, I don't think that was a healthy way of living. I also do not strive to be a "solely feminine" woman because I personally believe that humans are all unique blends of masculine (yang) energy and feminine (yin) energy, and I don't see why all women should be "purely feminine", and all men should be "purely masculine". It wasn't and still isn't about that for me. Instead, I just wanted to cultivate and strengthen that feminine part of me that I had been suppressing or at least neglecting for most of my life. I still remember wearing a head-to-toe pink outfit in elementary school and being bullied for it because it was "too girly" and "not cool". From then on, I hated pink and anything "too girly".
It probably doesn't come as a surprise that I have started to feel drawn to the colour pink and other softer "feminine" pastel colours over the past few years. (Not because I am a woman, and pastel colours are the "natural" colour scheme for women, but because that's what is my personal preference.)
So this is basically why I loved Caitlin's videos on how to increase your "femininity", and also her entire personality which was so unlike mine, but that I was somehow craving: sweet, soft, gentle, loving, welcoming ...
All qualities that I had previously not really recognized in myself. My personality is generally more sharp-tongued, quick-witted, sarcastic, goofy, bubbly, determined, stubborn, creative, compassionate, passionate, ambitious, selfish, reflective, impatient, eager, focussed, chaotic and probably a lot more!
And just to be clear: I love all of these qualities. It's just that I felt that I was a little too bossy, a little too eager, a little too snappy, a little too stubborn, a little too impatient, a little too controlling etc. which I didn't really feel comfortable with. And at the same time I felt that I was lacking more "feminine", softer qualities such as patience, empathy, gentleness, love, intuition, harmony, forgiveness, joy – which a part of me was yearning. My "divine feminine" – which is not tied to females by the way, but to all humans, just like the divine masculine!
Long story short: I wanted to be like Mrs. Midwest.
I was truly shocked, disturbed and disappointed, when I found out the underlying internalized ideologies of MMW that she hid in a very deceivingly sweet way in between skin care and cookie recipes.
And I just want to clarify that there is nothing wrong with being or wanting to be a traditional housewife or homemaker who enjoys taking care of others and your home. There is absolutely nothing wrong with living a frugal, simple life, or a very spiritual, religious life, and there is also nothing wrong with wanting to increase and celebrate your divine feminine qualities.
If that's what fulfils you, you do you – it’s your life!
The reason why MMW's videos are so harmful is because she uses virtue signalling to shape her audience's beliefs and enforce (unequal) gender roles, which goes hand in hand with an anti-trans world view, toxic masculinity and submissive femininity (e. g. "sex is about pregnancy"). Her way of subtle preaching works in the same way as "dog whistle" politics, using coded buzzwords to convey a hidden message, and is also the reason why I and many other of her viewers did not pick up on any suspicious statements!
It's no wonder that Caitlin knows how to appeal to the masses, after all she studied strategic communications at Calvin College and knows how to use digital marketing tools to appear palatable such as by including BIPoC women when talking about feminine beauty or claiming in nearly every video that everyone and everyone's opinion is welcome (while still emphasising that certain opinions are "foolish" and others are desirable).
It's not easy to admit that, but I think I myself have been influenced with a certain type of bias, both gender bias and race bias, and I am working on becoming more and more self-reflective and self-conscious. When I watched Abigail's video on Mrs. Midwest it definitely opened my eyes in regards to my own race bias, which was kind of disturbing because I wasn't aware of how limited and, well, "white" my own perception is. For example, I wasn't aware that my understanding of being perceived as "feminine" or "masculine" did not take into account that this might not be the case for black women which might face a completely different social prejudice in that regard.
Again, I am not here to hate on Mrs. Midwest. I just want to spread awareness for something that is important to me. And I'm not even sure whether or not Caitlin is aware of what she is doing and what message she is spreading. For example, she often distances herself from "feminist women" – but I don't actually think she necessarily refers to the actual meaning of feminism (gender equality), but confuses it with misandry. Nevertheless ...
If you currently watch and like Mrs. Midwest and consider her a role model – just like I did in the past! – please do your research, and perhaps share this information with others.
Instead of watching Caitlin's content and thereby supporting her underlying racist and sexist ideology, I suggest watching other people that share homemaking content without the problematic polarizing message, such as Rachel Talbott (one of my favourite videos by her is this one about Making Challah, Dinner + Cleaning Garden) orSarah Therese (such as this Declutter Our Entire House video) [EDIT: after watching her most recent Wife Talk, I am not so sure about her any more]. For wholesome content on femininity, I suggest Hitomi Mochizuki (e. g. her things I do that make me feel like I'll live forever), Jonna Jinton (somehow I really like her How I make paint of earth pigments | Painting tutorial video), Joannas Essentials (it's mostly in German, but she's so wonderful! her Detox Dezember » 10 Tipps für ein natürlicheres & gesundes Leben video is a great place to start), The Unexpected Gypsy (I especially found her video on *afraid to make art? Overcoming the fear of the blank page, get over creative blocks & into the zone helpful) or Alicia Keys (if you can, listen to her entire 21-Day Meditation Experience w/ Alicia Keys and Deepak Chopra: The Divine Feminine). EDIT: I also highly recommend Galatea's videos, such as her ones on The Desecration of Femininity as well as Masculinity, Bad Boys, Love and Humanity (which in my opinion present a very thought-out, very transparent, and very inspiring view on these topics, although I might not agree with her on every single thing she says).
Please let's all remember to question our "role models", and to also question our own beliefs and statements.
By the way, a name twin of Caitlin you should also think about distancing yourself from is Kaetlyn Anne from Girl In Calico or Calico and Twine who has publicly shared homophobic and racist comments. It's a shame really that people like these two women shed such a bad light on (Christian) simple living and homekeeping. Let's change that by setting different examples!
Other informative videos and articles on Mrs. Midwest:
CC Marie
God is Grey
Gabs with Abigail
Jordan and McKay
Fundie Fridays
Jimmy Snow
Feminine Cat Lady Spinster
The Hippie Catholic
Nikky Jackson
A Ray of Dawn
Again, I am not here to hate on Mrs. Midwest. I just want to spread awareness for something that is important to me. And I'm not even sure whether or not Caitlin is aware of what she is doing and what message she is spreading. For example, she often distances herself from "feminist women" – but I don't actually think she necessarily refers to the actual meaning of feminism (gender equality), but confuses it with misandry. Nevertheless ...
If you currently watch and like Mrs. Midwest and consider her a role model – just like I did in the past! – please do your research, and perhaps share this information with others.
Instead of watching Caitlin's content and thereby supporting her underlying racist and sexist ideology, I suggest watching other people that share homemaking content without the problematic polarizing message, such as Rachel Talbott (one of my favourite videos by her is this one about Making Challah, Dinner + Cleaning Garden) or
Please let's all remember to question our "role models", and to also question our own beliefs and statements.
By the way, a name twin of Caitlin you should also think about distancing yourself from is Kaetlyn Anne from Girl In Calico or Calico and Twine who has publicly shared homophobic and racist comments. It's a shame really that people like these two women shed such a bad light on (Christian) simple living and homekeeping. Let's change that by setting different examples!
Other informative videos and articles on Mrs. Midwest:
CC Marie
God is Grey
Gabs with Abigail
Jordan and McKay
Fundie Fridays
Jimmy Snow
Feminine Cat Lady Spinster
The Hippie Catholic
Nikky Jackson
A Ray of Dawn
♥
Maisy
2 Comments
This is such an important read and I am glad this is coming to light!
ReplyDeleteI too was a new homemaker feeling kind of lost and... well, like a failure- until I found Mrs. Midwest. I loved her content, binged it! I thought in the beginning that people were grabbing at straws to bring her down (having been on the receiving end of some nasty rumors in the past, I gave Caitlin the benefit of the doubt); but over time, viewing her content started to feel wrong. I listened to my intuition and am very glad I did.
We are all human- we all occasionally write and say stupid things that we regret- however, I can no longer turn a blind eye to all the red flags and Caitlin's absolute refusal to even attempt defending herself against these accusations. If I were being called a white supremacist, I'd at least TRY to refute such a serious allegation (most people consider their integrity and morality to be worth defending).
If that's the kind of disgusting, hateful stuff she believes, then that's what she believes- but she could at least stop lying to everyone. If what we suspect she believes is true, it would demolish her platform and she wants the most attention/largest audience she can muster (so deception it is!). Caitlin admitted to INTENTIONALLY deceiving all of us... that is just icky, and that is what hurt the most. I hope she realizes that while it's totally great to be a homemaker, serve your spouse, and support other women who choose the same, the undertones (and crowd she attracts) of what she preaches could send women back into the dark ages of being considered property. She is delusional if she doesn't realize that her basic human right to CHOOSE to be a homemaker, CHOOSE who she wanted to marry, CHOOSE whether or not to be a "mum", read, write, drive, go to school, speak freely, wear makeup, pick her own clothing, own property, leave her house, and create content is BECAUSE of feminism (which she ironically seems to be against). Rant over.
On a positive note, this helped me to find more honest Youtubers and content creators out there (such as yourself!) Zoe May also comes to mind and maybe you'd enjoy her videos as well!
Thank you so much for taking your time to share your thoughts on this topic! And rant a bit :) When I originally wrote this blog post I wasn't sure about posting it because it was so different to everything else I post about – and I'm also not a fan of speaking ill of other people – but I'm glad I did and that I'm not the only one who felt that way about Caitlin ...
DeleteTo be honest, my instinct to find out more about her (through other videos than hers) was when I stumbled across a vlog of her and Nikki Phillippi which gave me a weird feeling and I thought "That are her friends? They seem ... not really nice", even though I couldn't really explain why I felt that way. Then, after seeing their video about basically killing their dog, I just had this hunch that I should look more into Mrs. Midwest as well because I think it can tell you something about a person when you look at their friends, who they support, how they interact with others etc.
Anyway. I really do hope that Caitlin will come around one day and stop her act at least. The best we can do is be aware of our own thoughts and actions, and hope for the best. 🌸
Thanks for suggesting Zoe May, I hadn't heard of her!
💛 Maisy