reading time: 12 min
Each one of us, whether male or female or in-between, is a unique mixture of feminine and masculine energy, or yin and yang energy. It hopefully goes without saying that not ALL women are the same and need to be super feminine, just as not ALL men are the same and need to be super masculine – which is why I use the terms "femininity" and "masculinity" instead of "females" / "males" or "women" / "men". Every human, regardless of
their gender or sexual orientation, carries both masculine and feminine qualities in them. While
the masculine energy enables us to move from A to B, and to achieve our
goals, the feminine energy allows us to initially see all our possibilities, to recognise our true desires that are then structured by masculinity into a goal, and to enjoy our
achievements once we have reached them.
Let's embrace and respect that.
Growing up in a "feminist" * environment that promoted that women could for sure make a career if they dressed and behaved in a masculine way (aka "power women"), I never really got to know femininity in its soft, pure form. My mom was always the one who "wore the breeches" in our family, as does my grandma and my aunt and actually almost all of my female friends, including myself. Whenever I met or saw a woman with distinctly feminine qualities, I thought of them as weak and boring and superficial, and somehow not really "female" – how messed up is that?!
ALL women are valuable – whether they portray more masculine or feminine qualities. Neither makes them stronger or weaker than the other! And the same goes for men.
ALL women are valuable – whether they portray more masculine or feminine qualities. Neither makes them stronger or weaker than the other! And the same goes for men.
Twenty-eight years later I found myself being unable to connect to my feminine energy. While I had fostered my masculine qualities (yang, left brain, goal-orientation, planning, structure, determination, action, discipline, ego, being in the future), which is definitely helpful at certain times in life, I had almost completely neglected my feminine qualities (yin, right brain, intuition, creation, nurture, compassion, connection, reflection, playfulness, thoughtfulness, gentleness, being in the present...). I noticed that I was too tense, too much in my head, felt weird in my own body, like I didn't know it very well. Feeling graceful? Nope. Moving in a way that felt sexy? Felt so awkward! (And that's okay!! But ...)
I was stressed out most of the time, didn't manage to relax and let go of things that I couldn't control, and - worst of all - I felt like my creative energy, that passion of mine that had always been by my side, was cut off. I felt stuck. Like a rosebud that wasn't able to fully blossom.
So if you are like me, and you struggle to find a balance between masculine and feminine qualities, or yin and yang qualities, because you've only lived your inherent masculine qualities in your life, and you are only now starting to realise that your inherent feminine qualities are also valuable, and you want to get in touch with your feminine traits more, here are my tips!
I was stressed out most of the time, didn't manage to relax and let go of things that I couldn't control, and - worst of all - I felt like my creative energy, that passion of mine that had always been by my side, was cut off. I felt stuck. Like a rosebud that wasn't able to fully blossom.
So if you are like me, and you struggle to find a balance between masculine and feminine qualities, or yin and yang qualities, because you've only lived your inherent masculine qualities in your life, and you are only now starting to realise that your inherent feminine qualities are also valuable, and you want to get in touch with your feminine traits more, here are my tips!
1. Practise being Present
Presence, presence, presence.
You've probably heard this in the context of meditation and yoga and overall mental health, but being present is a particularly feminine quality – whereas the masculine perspective is targeted at the future, thinking ahead, making plans, etc.
You can actively practice being present by
- breathing: so powerful! a first aid tool at any moment and at any place that is available to you all the time
- meditating: combining breath work and mental awareness, meditation is one of the most effective ways to calm your mind, reduce stress and be fully aware of what is
- slowing down: take breaks, set boundaries, take one task at a time, cultivate a peaceful morning and night routine, allow yourself to do nothing for a while
- being in your body: mindful movement, gentle yoga, dancing with your eyes closed, doing a body-scan, or simply noticing how you feel in your body at this very moment
You've probably heard this in the context of meditation and yoga and overall mental health, but being present is a particularly feminine quality – whereas the masculine perspective is targeted at the future, thinking ahead, making plans, etc.
You can actively practice being present by
- breathing: so powerful! a first aid tool at any moment and at any place that is available to you all the time
- meditating: combining breath work and mental awareness, meditation is one of the most effective ways to calm your mind, reduce stress and be fully aware of what is
- slowing down: take breaks, set boundaries, take one task at a time, cultivate a peaceful morning and night routine, allow yourself to do nothing for a while
- being in your body: mindful movement, gentle yoga, dancing with your eyes closed, doing a body-scan, or simply noticing how you feel in your body at this very moment
- being grateful: you could write in a gratitude journal every night or just practice to give thanks for every little tiny thing that you encounter throughout your day)
2. Connect with your Body
While being in your body focuses on an internal, emotional connection, it is equally important to check in with your body on an external level, too. Whereas masculine power lies in the cognitive, the rational, the mental, feminine power is more closely linked to the physical, the sensory, the sensual, anchored in the here and now. You can connect with your body by
- looking after your body: body care (keep yourself clean and tidy, cherish your body, grant yourself the luxury of a face mask or a bubble bath, enjoy the moment, turn every shower into a spa!)
- feeling your body: move, exercise, dance, have fun with your body
- getting to know your body: examine yourself, find out what you like, touch yourself lovingly (in a non-sexual way), make love to yourself
- celebrating your body: wear clothes that make you feel sexy and confident, wear jewellery, experiment with new hair and make up, buy clothes that make you feel feminine (it's okay to feel girly and like pretty things and want to wear a dress – and it's equally okay not to like it!)
3. Wear Feminine Clothes and Accessories
Speaking of feminine appearance, I've talked about the characteristics of feminine clothing in my previous blog post, it's quite a long list, so check it out if you need some ideas on how to dress more femininely. (But basically: Wear what makes you feel great!)
Since I didn't really cover this in the linked blog post, here are a few examples of obtaining your feminine presence while wearing "typically masculine" items of clothing:
- When wearing a suit (masculine fashion), make it more feminine by either contrasting it with delicate accessories or by going for a bright colour such as white, tan, cream, baby blue, peach or yellow instead of black or dark blue. For example, Emma Watson, Madelaine Petsch and Michelle Obama are all wearing a bright red suit in the pictures above, cinching in at the waist, and they are also contrasting their suits with characteristically feminine shoe ware (high heels and sandals)
- When wearing pants (jeans or trousers), you can follow more or less the same guideline: choose something colourful, for example blush, dark red, cream, teal, mint green, mustard yellow, or something wide-legged, or something with a pattern, or a soft, fluffy texture such as velvet, corduroy or linen.
- When wearing a coat or jacket there are also several options to make it more feminine or masculine:
1. choosing a boxy, chunky jacket or coat (masculine) in a bright colour like yellow, light brown, cream, red, pink etc. (feminine) and/or in a fluffy fabric like velvet, furry wool, faux fur etc. (feminine)
2. choosing a jacket or coat that is slim fitted and belted (feminine) in a dark (masculine) or bright (feminine) colour or patterned (feminine), pairing it either with a skirt, a dress or trousers
3. choosing a slim fitted and/or belted jacket or coat in a bright colour and a textured fabric or with a playful pattern (mega feminine! perhaps a little too much for some)
Disclaimer: Being receptive does not mean being submissive! Don't let anything you don't want happen to you!
3. Wear Feminine Clothes and Accessories
Speaking of feminine appearance, I've talked about the characteristics of feminine clothing in my previous blog post, it's quite a long list, so check it out if you need some ideas on how to dress more femininely. (But basically: Wear what makes you feel great!)
Since I didn't really cover this in the linked blog post, here are a few examples of obtaining your feminine presence while wearing "typically masculine" items of clothing:
- When wearing a suit (masculine fashion), make it more feminine by either contrasting it with delicate accessories or by going for a bright colour such as white, tan, cream, baby blue, peach or yellow instead of black or dark blue. For example, Emma Watson, Madelaine Petsch and Michelle Obama are all wearing a bright red suit in the pictures above, cinching in at the waist, and they are also contrasting their suits with characteristically feminine shoe ware (high heels and sandals)
- When wearing pants (jeans or trousers), you can follow more or less the same guideline: choose something colourful, for example blush, dark red, cream, teal, mint green, mustard yellow, or something wide-legged, or something with a pattern, or a soft, fluffy texture such as velvet, corduroy or linen.
- When wearing a coat or jacket there are also several options to make it more feminine or masculine:
1. choosing a boxy, chunky jacket or coat (masculine) in a bright colour like yellow, light brown, cream, red, pink etc. (feminine) and/or in a fluffy fabric like velvet, furry wool, faux fur etc. (feminine)
2. choosing a jacket or coat that is slim fitted and belted (feminine) in a dark (masculine) or bright (feminine) colour or patterned (feminine), pairing it either with a skirt, a dress or trousers
3. choosing a slim fitted and/or belted jacket or coat in a bright colour and a textured fabric or with a playful pattern (mega feminine! perhaps a little too much for some)
4. Practise being Receptive and Receiving
Being
"receptive" may also leave a nasty taste in some women's mouth because for too long this virtue has been abused to force women to "just
tolerate" things, to keep quiet and put up with any violence and
injustice that was done to them. However, I found myself not being able
to accept something nice, just as I struggled to relax and to surrender to a
moment.
To be honest, I still feel like there is something sticky and dangerous in recommending someone to be more "receptive" and "receiving", because people can definitely misinterpret this, but what I mean by that is that both giving AND taking is important, both being active AND being passive. As an example: In the past I could only take on the active, leading role instead of listening to others and letting other people take the helm. I saw being passive and devoted as a weakness per se. I hope it goes without saying that leading, ordering and taking charge are important and necessary skills, but so are the ability to sit back and let things be and perhaps enjoy the moment – or at least stop stressing about things you can't change.
Here are some simple ways to practise receiving:
- Let someone lead you – someone you trust, for example a masculine person which in turn will help them unfold their guiding, target-oriented qualities
To be honest, I still feel like there is something sticky and dangerous in recommending someone to be more "receptive" and "receiving", because people can definitely misinterpret this, but what I mean by that is that both giving AND taking is important, both being active AND being passive. As an example: In the past I could only take on the active, leading role instead of listening to others and letting other people take the helm. I saw being passive and devoted as a weakness per se. I hope it goes without saying that leading, ordering and taking charge are important and necessary skills, but so are the ability to sit back and let things be and perhaps enjoy the moment – or at least stop stressing about things you can't change.
Here are some simple ways to practise receiving:
- Let someone lead you – someone you trust, for example a masculine person which in turn will help them unfold their guiding, target-oriented qualities
-
Surrender – not necessarily to a person (but perhaps that, too), but
rather to your current circumstances, to give up your "control" for a
while and just be
- Count your blessings – receive with gratitude what life is offering you at the moment
- Count your blessings – receive with gratitude what life is offering you at the moment
Disclaimer: Being receptive does not mean being submissive! Don't let anything you don't want happen to you!
5. Connect with your Sexuality
Now this is quite important. As mentioned in Nr. 2, knowing how to touch yourself (and therefore how to be touched) is crucial to having a healthy and happy love life. Know what you want and what you don't want. Take care of your needs and desires – don't neglect them!
Another great way to develop a more loving relationship with your sexual body or to heal sexual traumas is to use a yoni egg, such as the rose quartz one in the picture above.
Another great way to develop a more loving relationship with your sexual body or to heal sexual traumas is to use a yoni egg, such as the rose quartz one in the picture above.
6. Spend time around (other) Women
While it is great to be in contact with males and masculine energy (especially since femininity and masculinity compliment each other and create an exciting chemistry), it is so important to surround yourself with females to recharge your feminine energy. I recently watched Extreme Engagement on Netflix, and while I disapproved of the disrespectful portrayal of the "uncivilized" tribes in the beginning, I just loved the energy between the women in episode 1 in Cameroon when PJ was wringing out the laundry with the M'bum women in the river. There was such a contagious joy and team spirit – truly inspiring. So cherish your female friendships!
7. Spend time in Nature
There is a reason we call her "mother nature" – she is female! So another wonderful way to reconnect with your femininity is to connect with nature. Take a walk, sit in the sun, look at the beautiful lush green, smell those flowers, bursting with life, pet a cow, enjoy the gentle wind on your face. What you can learn from nature is to be fully in the here and now, to always strive towards the light, and to not compare yourself with others.
8. Enrich your Senses
Another way to easily increase the feminine energy around you is to stimulate your senses. Surround yourself with
- sound (music, instruments, wind chimes, birdsong)
- fragrance (perfume, essential oil diffuser, room mist, flowers)
- beautiful objects to look at (paintings, plants, decor)
- pleasant textures (a fluffy rug, tasselled pillows, a velvet dress, a bead curtain)
- tasty food (take time to prepare yummy food for yourself and enjoy what you eat!)
- sound (music, instruments, wind chimes, birdsong)
- fragrance (perfume, essential oil diffuser, room mist, flowers)
- beautiful objects to look at (paintings, plants, decor)
- pleasant textures (a fluffy rug, tasselled pillows, a velvet dress, a bead curtain)
- tasty food (take time to prepare yummy food for yourself and enjoy what you eat!)
9. Create something
Some will see this as a terrible cliché, but the truth of the matter is that the ultimate femininity is a creative force that brings all things into existence. Be that a child, a drawing, a book, or a plant. At its core creativity is connected with your sensuality and sexuality. So dare to be sensual, dare to be vulnerable and express your creative force! Creating is about being playful, having fun. Your creative hobby doesn't have to be a side hustle, it doesn't need to make money – it can be for you and your own pleasure! There are many faces of creativity:
- art
- music
- gardening
- photography
- literature
- spirituality
- giving birth
- art
- music
- gardening
- photography
- literature
- spirituality
- giving birth
- entrepreneurship
- cooking
- cooking
- decorating, beautifying
- homemaking
- homemaking
10. Take Care of something
Another main feminine trait is caring, nourishing, looking after others. To cultivate and practice this, take care of one of several of the following:
- a plant
- a plant
- a pet
- a child
- your family
- your friends
- strangers
- yourself!
- strangers
- yourself!
11. Train your Intuition
As part of my spiritual growth journey (which is something that I think everyone should cultivate, whether feminine or masculine) I've come to realise that I "unlearned" how to connect to - let alone trust - my intuition, my inner compass, so to speak. You can strengthen your intuition by:
- being in stillness: for example by meditating; this will help you become aware of your emotional state and how your emotions change
- slowing down: similarly, slowing down and taking a break from your daily routine will enable you to notice what's going on inside of you; how are you feeling?
- turning every choice into a closed question (e.g. "do you want this?" instead of "what do you want?"): having to say Yes or No to something makes it easier for you to realise which of the two options will cause an inner resistance, and which is in alignment with your desires and values
- sleeping on it: giving yourself time to dwell on a decision will make space for your intuitive sense to come forth; you could also take a walk or retire to the bathroom to shut off any distractions that are keeping you from hearing the silent voice of your intuition
- using crystals: yes, you read right, there are healing crystals that can help you develop a stronger intuitive sense; you can use them during meditation or just carry them around in your purse or pants pocket for support; to name a few: amethyst, citrine, selenite, quartz crystal, labradorite, angelite, azurite, and lapis lazuli
- taking your intuition out for a walk: literally! set aside a certain amount of time (say, 1 hour or 2 hours) and step outside of your house or apartment; leave it to your "inner guide" to decide which way to go: right or left? straight ahead, or maybe back again? when the time is up, find your way back home – this time using a navigation system or your memory ;)
- being in stillness: for example by meditating; this will help you become aware of your emotional state and how your emotions change
- slowing down: similarly, slowing down and taking a break from your daily routine will enable you to notice what's going on inside of you; how are you feeling?
- turning every choice into a closed question (e.g. "do you want this?" instead of "what do you want?"): having to say Yes or No to something makes it easier for you to realise which of the two options will cause an inner resistance, and which is in alignment with your desires and values
- sleeping on it: giving yourself time to dwell on a decision will make space for your intuitive sense to come forth; you could also take a walk or retire to the bathroom to shut off any distractions that are keeping you from hearing the silent voice of your intuition
- using crystals: yes, you read right, there are healing crystals that can help you develop a stronger intuitive sense; you can use them during meditation or just carry them around in your purse or pants pocket for support; to name a few: amethyst, citrine, selenite, quartz crystal, labradorite, angelite, azurite, and lapis lazuli
- taking your intuition out for a walk: literally! set aside a certain amount of time (say, 1 hour or 2 hours) and step outside of your house or apartment; leave it to your "inner guide" to decide which way to go: right or left? straight ahead, or maybe back again? when the time is up, find your way back home – this time using a navigation system or your memory ;)
12. Embrace your Period
Last but certainly not least, make peace with your period. And not only that, but grow to love it. Every month your body goes through an amazing transformation, a rebirth indeed! Honestly, I use to hate my period! All the bleeding, the stained pants, the unease, the cramps... But now I actually look forward to this powerful time of reconnecting and renewing, and I get excited whenever my body shows the first signs of another round of menstruation (sounds weird, I know, but it's true!). Honour this cycle. Celebrate it by looking after yourself. Pamper your beautiful magical body. Enjoy the stillness. Cherish this time of regeneration and going inwards. Don't try to "eliminate" your mood swings – they are part of your cycle. And no, your blood - your life force - is not something dirty! It is pure and wonderful.
If you still struggle with embracing your period, I would recommend starting to track your cycle. (If you don't have a cycle at the moment, track your moods instead.) Switching to a menstrual cup might also help you connect better to your period. Begin to notice where in the month you feel inspired and creative, the times you feel buzzing with energy, and the times when you're yearning to retreat and be alone. Honour all of those times by following your intuition (wink) and do what feels right: dance, be creative, make out, go for long walks, or rest, take a hot bath, curl up in your bed, be with yourself. Enjoy the magic of your menstruation!
* The reason why I put "feminist" in quotation marks here is that for the longest time I equated being "feminist" with being not-too-feminine, but instead being more in control, less emotional, not really taking men seriously etc. ... while in truth being feminist means believing in equal rights and the freedom of choice! Being feminist does not mean avoiding or condemning stereotypically more feminine traits or activities like being interested in fashion and flowers in either men or women, or at least it shouldn't, just as it doesn't mean avoiding or condemning stereotypically more masculine traits or activities like being interested in manual craft and cars in either men or women. It can be tricky to explain my thoughts properly, especially in a foreign laguage.
If you still struggle with embracing your period, I would recommend starting to track your cycle. (If you don't have a cycle at the moment, track your moods instead.) Switching to a menstrual cup might also help you connect better to your period. Begin to notice where in the month you feel inspired and creative, the times you feel buzzing with energy, and the times when you're yearning to retreat and be alone. Honour all of those times by following your intuition (wink) and do what feels right: dance, be creative, make out, go for long walks, or rest, take a hot bath, curl up in your bed, be with yourself. Enjoy the magic of your menstruation!
* The reason why I put "feminist" in quotation marks here is that for the longest time I equated being "feminist" with being not-too-feminine, but instead being more in control, less emotional, not really taking men seriously etc. ... while in truth being feminist means believing in equal rights and the freedom of choice! Being feminist does not mean avoiding or condemning stereotypically more feminine traits or activities like being interested in fashion and flowers in either men or women, or at least it shouldn't, just as it doesn't mean avoiding or condemning stereotypically more masculine traits or activities like being interested in manual craft and cars in either men or women. It can be tricky to explain my thoughts properly, especially in a foreign laguage.
♥
Maisy
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